THE COLLECTED WORKS OF RAJ DESAI: Archive

MONOLOGUE JOKES - MAY 6, 2012 EDITION

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ April was the worst ratings month for CNN in a decade. Things are getting so bad for CNN that it’s considering changing...

May 7th

MONOLOGUE JOKES - APRIL 22, 2012 EDITION

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Mitt Romney filed for an extension on his 2011 tax return. Not surprisingly, he asked for an extension until Wednesday...

Apr 23rd

MONOLOGUE JOKES - APRIL 8, 2012 EDITION

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Ron Paul said he’s trying to save the Republican Party form itself. Meanwhile, the Republican Party is trying to save...

Apr 9th

There is no point to this, but I think former Democratic Tennessee Congressman and NBC News Contributor Harold Ford, Jr…. …could possibly win — or at least have strong showing in — a Derek Jeter look-a-like contest:

Apr 6th

2 notes

MONOLOGUE JOKES - MAR. 18, 2012 EDITION

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ A fight broke out during a Chicago Symphony performance. Of course, that’s what happens when you play Beethoven’s...

Mar 18th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Feb. 12, 2012 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Facebook celebrated its 8th anniversary last week. Employees celebrated by writing insincere birthday wishes on the...

Feb 13th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Jan. 29, 2012 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ LL Cool J will host the Grammys this year. Personally, I don’t get it. Why does LL Cool J want to associate himself...

Jan 30th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Jan. 15, 2012 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ [You remember the family sitcom Reba which starred country singer Reba McIntyre? This zinger sure does!] To celebrate...

Jan 16th

Monologue Jokes - Jan. 8, 2012 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ [Rocking the first Kim K zinger of 2012] Kim Kardashian reportedly made $60,000 for appearing at a Las Vegas nightclub...

Jan 9th

NY Times Columnist Tom Friedman & The Romantic...

A NY Times Op/Ed columnist and the 1996 romantic golf dramedy “Tin Cup” — shall the twain ever meet? YES! In a stunning event that I haven’t been able to get off my mind since August 2011, New York Times columnist and best-selling author of “The World is Flat” (and other best-sellers) quoted the Kevin Costner film “Tin Cup” in one of his columns....

Dec 29th

1 note

Top 10 List of Things to Rank in Year-End 2011 Top...

There are so many things to rank on “Top 10” lists at the end of the year. If you’re like me, you get so busy ranking things that by time you’re done ranking all the things you want to rank, it’s already a new year! So, save some time on figuring out the best 10 things to rank in top 10 lists using “My Top 10 List of Things to Rank in Year-End 2011 Top 10...

Dec 23rd

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Dec. 18, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Lamar Odom has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks. It was a three way deal between the Dallas Mavericks, the Los...

Dec 19th

Monologue Jokes - Dec. 11, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Due to the end of the NBA lockout, the Obama campaign has cancelled a fundraising event that would’ve featured NBA...

Dec 12th

Monologue Jokes - Dec. 4, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Paris Hilton bought a $300,000 Ferrari on Black Friday. It just goes to show you that hard work and being a classy...

Dec 5th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Nov. 6, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Due to an accounting error, the German government discovered that it has an extra $78...

Nov 7th

Monologue Jokes - Oct. 31, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Google is reportedly considering a bid to buy Yahoo. Experts say that by owning Yahoo, Google...

Oct 30th

1 note

My College Admissions Essay

When I first applied to college as a senior in high school, I didn’t get into a single college. I had to wait a whole year and then enroll. I asked my high school guidance counselor what the problem was and she said it was my admissions essay. I dug through some old papers and I found it. I still don’t see what the problem is with the essay. I still think it’s pretty...

Oct 24th

4 notes

Monologue Jokes - Oct. 23, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Herman Cain said his proposal to build a deadly electrical fence on the U.S.-Mexican border was...

Oct 23rd

2 notes

Monologue Jokes - Oct. 16, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Beyonce says she’s due in February. Or, as she put it — “my most recent collaboration with Jay...

Oct 16th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Oct. 9, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ This week Bill Clinton celebrated the 20th anniversary of his presidential run. During remarks on the...

Oct 10th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Oct. 2, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ The soap opera All My Children ended on Friday after 42 years on air. It’s the end of 14 cast members and...

Oct 2nd

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Sep. 25, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ The Roast of Charlie Sheen set a record for highest rated roast on Comedy Central. It also set a record...

Sep 26th

Monologue Jokes - Sep. 18, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ 3 TSA officers in Connecticut were arrested on drug charges. In their defense, they were trying to raise...

Sep 18th

1 note

Monologue Jokes - Sep. 10, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________President Obama called Rick Perry to express his concern over the Texas wildfires. Though, it got a little...

Sep 10th

Monologue Jokes - Sep. 4, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Huggies has released camouflage diapers. But, if your baby is in a combat situation, you probably got bigger...

Sep 5th

Monologue Jokes - Aug. 28, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ The federal government has fined Google five-hundred million dollars. When Google heard this, Google was like,...

Aug 28th

Monologue Jokes - Aug. 21, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Michelle Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Poll, even though Mitt Romney and Rick Perry didn’t compete in it…proving that...

Aug 21st

Monologue Jokes - Aug. 14, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK!* _____________________________________________________________________ Maine Senator Olympia Snowe says she’s never seen a worst Congress. This probably explains why no one will sit with...

Aug 14th

Monologue Jokes - Aug. 7, 2011 Edition

I submit topical monologue jokes as a freelance writer. The vast majority do not get sold. Here’s some I wrote this week. I post them here and make fun of some of them…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK! _____________________________________________________________________ Rhode Island has the fastest internet speeds out of any state in the country … which explains why Massachusetts...

Aug 8th

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted July 31, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK! _____________________________________________________________________ U.S. counterterrorism officials say that Al Qaeda is on the brink...

Jul 31st

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted July 24, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…I mean, some of these REALLY STINK! _____________________________________________________________________ 5 North Korea players have tested positive for steroids at the...

Jul 24th

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted July 17, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…I mean, some of these STINK! _____________________________________________________________________ Texas Rep. Ron Paul says he will retire from Congress when his term runs out in...

Jul 18th

1 note

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted April 24, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…I mean, some of these STINK! _____________________________________________________________________ At a town hall event on Thursday, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg presented...

Apr 25th

2 notes

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted April 10, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ The deeply in debt country of Portugal asked other European countries for a bailout this week. Until it...

Apr 11th

1 note

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted April 3, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ On Monday night, President Obama gave a primetime televised address explaining his actions in Libya. No...

Apr 4th

1 note

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted March 14, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ Apple says the new iPad is 33% thinner than the previous model. So, buying the new iPad is like leaving your...

Mar 15th

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted March 8, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ Good news — the Labor Department announced that 192,000 jobs were added to the U.S. economy in February. ...

Mar 9th

1 note

Monologue Jokes for Mon. Feb. 28, 2011

Here are some monologue jokes I had to write today for something. Chock full of dumb Charlie Sheen references (they stink!!!)…knock yourself out: _________________________________________________________________________ The LA Clippers announced plans to celebrate Black History Month on March 2nd, even though Black History Month was in February. When asked for comment, the Clippers released a...

Mar 1st

18 notes

A BUNCH OF MONOLOGUE JOKES I WROTE OVER THE LAST...

Here are a bunch of monologue jokes I recently wrote. Read them if you’ve got nothing but time on your hands. I wrote them and I wanted to do something with them, so here they are: _________________________________________________________________________ The Governor of Michigan Rick Snyder says he will accept just a $1 salary this year to show his commitment to shared sacrifice. It’s a...

Feb 24th

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted Feb. 5, 2011...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ Donald Rumsfeld’s new memoir will be released Tuesday. Ironically, at 800 pages, if you hollow out the...

Feb 6th

1 note

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted From Jan. 25 -...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ Illinois’ highest court has affirmed the right of former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel to appear on...

Jan 29th

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted From Jan. 19 -...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ Newt Gingrich said this week that given how many of Obama’s new staffers served in the Clinton Administration,...

Jan 23rd

Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted From Dec. 15 -...

I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself… _____________________________________________________________________ Google is releasing a new laptop that won’t contain a caps-lock key on the keyboard. The laptop’s...

Dec 20th

My Spec Script for "NCIS:LA" Despite Having Never...

Guys, I’ve been trying to pursue comedy writing for awhile and haven’t had the results I want. And, I’ve noticed that there are a lot of hour long dramas being made these days, especially crime procedural shows. So, I figured let me take a crack at drama writing? Now, the hottest new drama of last year is “NCIS:Los Angeles” starring Chris O’Donnel and LL Cool...

Dec 7th

Easy Two Step Guide to Writing a Monkey Movie

A lot of people will tell you that writing a movie is hard. For the most part, that’s true, unless, of course, you happen to be writing a monkey movie. Writing a monkey movie is so simple…a monkey could do it! Step 1: Come Up With a Title That Determines the Plot of Your Movie You see, the only thing that really matters when it comes to writing a good monkey movie is the title. All you need is...

May 10th

1 note

“If I don’t get into medical school, my backup plan is to be a professional Craig T. Nelson look-a-like.” (Guy w/ a horrible backup plan).

Feb 23rd

1 note

Hey, what’s name of that indie movie that has a group of lovable oddballs who find shape and meaning in their lives?

Feb 19th

1 note

Great news! U.S./Pakistan forces catch #2 Taliban figure. Plus, Taliban just lost their starting shortstop on Taliban company softball team.

Feb 18th

“Stop playing grabass, Iran!” (8th Grade Football Coach who becomes President)

Dec 23rd

1 note

Just heard this urban myth: If u spill beer on Tila Tequila, she turns into Tila Tequiza…is this true?

Dec 9th

1 note