Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted Feb. 5, 2011 Edition
I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…
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Donald Rumsfeld’s new memoir will be released Tuesday. Ironically, at 800 pages, if you hollow out the book, it’s a great place to hide your WMD’s. [Not bad, but is it 2005 Again?]
Though President Obama has yet to explicitly call for the resignation of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, Obama did encourage Mubarak to quote “make the right decision.” Mubarak said he took Obama’s words to heart and chose a red Mercedes over a black one. [Ha, Ha — dictators, they sure are clueless and greedy!]
As a result of recent events in Egypt, CNN has seen a sharp rise in its ratings. Which might explain why CNN is planning a new show “360…Punches to Anderson Cooper’s Face.” [Pretty stupid…but it’s kinda funny that he got punched.]
P. Diddy gave his 17 year old son a custom Maybach limousine for making his high school Honor Roll. Big deal, he’s still a nerd — enjoy your $300,000 limo, nerd! [Suck it NERDS!]
Model Gisele Bundchen has angered cancer experts by claiming that sunscreen is quote “poison.” Normally I’d agree with medical experts but in this case 4 out of 5 models agree with Gisele so I’m gonna have to side with her. [What a “model” joke. How do I do it?]
Willow Smith told Teen Vogue that her favorite song is “Parents Just Don’t Understand” by her Dad Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff. When reached for comment, DJ Jazzy Jeff said, “Can you tell her to ask her dad to return my calls?” [Poor Jazzy Jeff…well, at least his name has alliteration.]
This Super Bowl is the first where neither team will have cheerleaders. This is good news for fat shirtless guys with body paint who will get a lot more coverage than usual as Fox goes to commercial. [Hey, how do you guys feel about the Fox robot — I’m pro-robot.]
Sarah Palin has filed an application with the US Government to trademark her name. Legal experts say she may trouble because the phrase “I’m With Stupid” is already trademarked. [I give this a “solid” but nothing special.]
