Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted March 8, 2011 Edition
I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted to buy…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…
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Good news — the Labor Department announced that 192,000 jobs were added to the U.S. economy in February. The bad news — all those jobs went to James Franco. [This one I stand by]
The Fish and Wildlife Service declared the Eastern cougar extinct this week. Ultimately, the species of cougar went extinct due to its lack of “tiger blood.” [Charlie Sheen zinger…the world needs more of those; and, of course, this won’t make any sense in like two months]
Former Presidents Jimmy Carter, George Bush, Sr., Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush will appear together on an NBC special later in the month. I don’t know about you, but I am definitely looking forward to “The Biggest Loser: Former Presidents Edition.” [This one is not bad, but it ain’t great either]
The cast of Welcome Back Kotter will reunite for the TV Land Awards next month. There’s been a lot of interest in the reunion from everyone in the cast who isn’t John Travolta. [Seriosuly, does anyone remember Welcom Back Kotter? Horshack — does that means anything to any of you?]
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Wednesday that Al Jazeera offers “real news” and that much of American media fails to do so. Well, Madame Secretary Clinton, if Al Jazeera offers such “real news” then how come they’ve yet to interview Charlie Sheen? [This one is not so bad b/c at least it says media coverage of Charlie Sheen’s implosion is ridiculous…]
China is reviewing an application from Bob Dylan to stage concerts in the country. Dylan wants to bring his music to people who literally don’t understand what he’s saying. […in case you forgot that the most common angle on Bob Dylan is that his singing is hard to understand…that living genius sure must be upset at “Raj Desai approximately” for taking him down a notch]
A school bus driver in Oregon has been suspended for not removing a confederate flag from his personal vehicle he parks on school district property. In a related story, Boss Hog still hasn’t caught those pesky Duke boys. [Take what I said about Welcome Back Kotter above and apply it here to the Brothers Duke…]
