Jokes I Wrote That Nobody Wanted April 24, 2011 Edition
I submit topical jokes as a freelance writer. Here’s ones nobody wanted…I post them here and make fun of some of them, too. What’s great/awful about the internet is that is has no standards…see for yourself…I mean, some of these STINK!
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At a town hall event on Thursday, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg presented President Obama with a hooded sweatshirt. Upon receiving the gift, the President said, “I’ll wear this…nowhere.” [Is this my idea of a joke…I truly can’t tell]
MC Hammer was in the audience for President Obama’s Thursday town hall event at Facebook headquarters. In answering a question about the national debt, the President pointed to Hammer as an example of a “Don’t.” [Really, another MC Hammer went bankrupt joke…get real, Desai, it ain’t 1996]
The Department of Homeland Security announced that it has reduced the government’s five-color scheme for terror alerts to two warnings: elevated and imminent. “So, we still gotta take our shoes off, right?” said the American people. [I think I like this one…]
President Obama has authorized the use of Predator drones to assist rebel forces in Libya. The drones should be very helpful to the rebels, because in addition to killing Libyan government troops, the drones also come with a date reminder and task list. [Actually like this one]
For the seventh consecutive year, Manchester United is No. 1 on the Forbes list of most valuable soccer teams. Following Manchester United on the list are more teams you’ve either never or barely heard of. [Actually like this one even though its another “no one in the U.S. cares about soccer” joke]
Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson announced that he’s running for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2012. In response, the American people have formed an exploratory committee to find out “who the hell is Gary Johnson?” [I stand behind this one]
Senator John McCain met with Libyan rebels leaders in Benghazi, Libya on Friday. That’s reassuring, because if there’s one thing McCain is good at, it’s vetting potential leaders who don’t seem all that together. [I stand behind this one]
During a Tuesday performance in Washington DC, Charlie Sheen revealed that he is skeptical of President Obama’s U.S. citizenship. Finally, someone who can fill the credibility gap for “birthers.” [Another Sheen joke? I’ll have to pass]
Tom Cruise has signed on to play a cheating politician in an upcoming movie. To research the role, Cruise said he plans on googling “John Edwards.” [Not bad]
Actor James Franco plans to enroll in the University of Houston creative writing program in 2012. It’ll be more proof that Franco isn’t lying when he tells you, “I meant to call you back, man, but I was totally busy.” [Kinda okay…on second thought, it STINKS!]
Major League Baseball took control of the Los Angeles Dodgers this week due to concern over its operation and finances. No word yet on when Major League Baseball will take control over the U.S. government. [Not bad]
